I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
