but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
