Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
