I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
