There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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