Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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