She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
