how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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