Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
