Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
