some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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