I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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