two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
