his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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