is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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