tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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