Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
