tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
