i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize