i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
