I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
