We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
