I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
