I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
