anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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