Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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