i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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