I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
