I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
