Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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