Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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