were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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