Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
