You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
