Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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