u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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