Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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