is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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