I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
