Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
