I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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