he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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