i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
