girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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