Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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