my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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