So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
FUCK WHALES
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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