i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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