Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
