I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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