before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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