Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
