How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
