My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
