He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
