dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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