you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
