I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
