i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
