C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
