Please, let me fuck your mom
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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