1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
