Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
