she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize