fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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