You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
