you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
