I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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