I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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