I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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