I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
