oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
