What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
